Listening to members of the armed forces talk can sometimes sound like you’re listening to an entirely different language. It’s a shop full of references, lingo, jargon, acronyms, and double speak that can be downright impenetrable to civilian outsiders. And that’s partly the point!
soldier inside foxhole
Military communications are intended to facilitate brevity, but also to exclude those not in the know or part of the organization.
But if there’s one thing you do know about military chatter, it’s that everyone tends to get a nickname. Hopefully, you can do something amazing to earn a good one. Chances are you want one, and your nickname will be a gentle or not-so-gentle reminder of your failure.
Whether you’re trying to earn yourself a cool one or dole out a memorable one, I’ve got 50 badass military nicknames for you to remember below…
A Note on Nicknaming
Really quick before we get to our list. If you’re heading into the Army and are in love with the idea of giving yourself a badass call sign, an ominous nom de guerre, or a nickname that will give your battle buddies goosebumps, you had better think twice…
If there’s one thing I can tell you with certainty, it is that your attempts to cultivate your own awesome nickname will backfire in the most spectacular way possible.
For every person that has tried to give themselves a nickname like Diesel, Maverick, Iceman, Mr. Death, or something similar, everyone in your unit will force you to accept something demeaning like sheet stain, cringefest, turd goblin, or a lot worse.
The point is you can’t force it. If you try to, you are trying hard, and your brothers will smell blood and punish you accordingly.
Hopefully, you can do something truly superfluous to earn a worthy nickname, but if you wind up with a goofy or funny one because you messed up and your friends were laughing at, and with you, consider yourself lucky.
Teflon
For a person that nothing sticks to. It’s because they always get out of duty, punishment, inspections, and a lot more. A really smooth talker, warrant officer, or born criminal, and nothing in between…
X-Ray
A handle that’s usually given to a person who wears monumentally thick glasses, is said to be capable of x-raying a person, or a trooper who is so scrawny you can see right through them like the visible man dummy in anatomy class.
Coot
An affectionate nickname given to the oldest soldier in the unit, or any junior enlisted who is closing in on 30. Derogatorily handed out as an acronym, C.O.O.T., for a soldier suffering from Dunning-Kruger concerning their own abilities: constantly overemphasizing own technique.
Curly
For an idiot, a stooge, a dummy. A designated scapegoat or someone who’s always yucking it up, especially when officers and commanders are around. Alternatively, given to someone with very curly hair.
Top Gun
A nickname given to soldiers with aspirations of going to advanced training or schools. Sometimes affectionately handed out on an interim basis for troopers who consistently shoot the best or earn top marks in training and evaluation.
Keebler
A vague reference to Keebler elves of cookie fame. Might refer to someone who’s very short, constantly hiding trying to shirk duty, or someone who always has sweet treats on hand.
Flash
Alternately given to the fastest or slowest person in the unit. In the case of the former, done admiringly. In the case of the latter, done mockingly.
Mumbles
Given to those who mumble, talk with their mouth full, or have indecipherable accents. No matter the reason, if you can’t understand what someone is saying they are a mumbler and accordingly, their name is Mumbles.
Kicker
A legendary nickname given to those who kick people through doors, out of windows, or off of balconies. Can sometimes be handed out for folks who miss a big kick playing football or soccer.
Gilligan
For the chronically and irretrievably lost. A common nickname for second lieutenants and troopers who perform very poorly on land navigation exercises and training. They’ll be lucky if it’s a 3-year tour…
Zorro
For those who prefer bladed weapons to firearms or are constantly putting themselves in harm’s way with dreams of dashing heroics. In either case, highly likely to get themselves and their buddies killed.
Foggy
I’ve heard this name being given out for people who, frankly, weren’t particularly bright or quick of thought. I’ve also seen it awarded to those who have constant flatulence so obscenely horrific it actually makes the room foggy.
Twister
When a trooper falls or stumbles and lands in a twisted heap of gear, sling, and limbs, they get the nickname Twister. Named after the party game where players contort themselves.
Nitro
For the chronically overreactive or troopers that are constantly in a rush. Named for nitroglycerin and nitrous oxide respectively.
The former is incredibly volatile and prone to blow up at the slightest jolt. The latter causes a big burst of speed in internal combustion engines.
Caboose
Someone always bringing up the rear. Typically given to the slowest member of a unit or the person that never wants to be out in front under any circumstances, i.e., the caboose of a train.
Casper
For the phenomenally pale. A popular one for soldiers that get transferred to hardworking, typically outdoor MOSs from positions where they were previously able to stay inside and avoid the sun.
Chaos
A nickname that is as changing and multipurpose as the word implies. It could be given to an exceptional soldier that always leaves chaos in their wake on the battlefield.
It might be given to harebrained troopers who do nothing but cause problems in the barracks or when at garrison. Either way, it sounds cool!
Pathfinder
An honorable nickname that is always awarded, or I should say usually awarded, to the trooper who can always find the way through the worst terrain or out of the stickiest situation.
Monster
A nickname awarded to physical beasts or troopers that guzzle energy drinks. When it comes to nicknames, you could do a lot worse than this.
Prince
Not an endearing one. Typically given to soldiers or personnel with a distinctly feminine bent or dubious sexuality.
Mini-Me
A nickname that is doled out to the smaller of two soldiers that bear a striking physical resemblance, or to the sidekick of a duo that follows their counterpart anywhere. Fairly demeaning in the latter case.
Midas
Like the fable of King Midas, everything this soldier touches somehow magically turns to gold. There is no situation, no endeavor, no plan that does not turn out wonderfully or profitably.
Grim Reaper
The best a person can hope for with this nickname is that it is awarded to them for extraordinary prowess in combat, however cliché it might be. It’s far more likely to be awarded to a soldier that is a buzzkill, bearer of bad news, or chronic deliverer of punishment or demotion.
Toolbag
If someone is socially awkward, comes on too strong, or generally unpleasant, they are a tool. If they are the king of the tools they are said to be a tool bag.
This nickname can also be given to a trooper who carries way, way too much equipment when they don’t have to – just in case, of course!
Nugget
Always a deplorable nickname, you could wind up with this one if you eat too much greasy fast food or if you defecate in your pants, but just a little.
Albatross
In the lore of mariners since time immemorial, the albatross was said to be an unlucky bird. If it stayed with the ship, the ship was doomed to misfortune or sinking. Sometimes people are said to serve as an albatross for their unit… not a nickname you want!
Biscuit
Biscuits are crumbly. Just like the person who has this nickname is when under pressure or when the chips are really down. If you’re a biscuit, you’ve got no business being in the military.
Maverick
This one needs no explanation. Nobody rates this nickname and the well-on jokes are long dry.
If you’re being called this it’s because you did something spectacularly incompetent or you’re being mocked relentlessly for being a try-hard and insisting on a cool nickname like I described above.
Wolf
For the hairiest soldier you’ve ever seen. That’s not a wool scarf they have around their neck after all. Sometimes, but less commonly, given to those who refuse to participate in unit recreational activities, i.e., the lone wolf.
This is another one that, despite being cool, is never given admiringly.
Tackleberry
Named for the character in The Police Academy movies who really, really loves guns in an unhealthy way. This person probably uses CLP as aftershave, cologne, and body wash.
Gramps
Self-explanatory. Given to the oldest member of the unit, someone who’s far too old for their rank, or a trooper with old-fashioned opinions.
Tornado
This nickname is given to the “best” dancer that dared show off their dance moves in public. May also be given to a slob that leaves their barracks room, squad bay, or workplace a disgusting mess. Like a tornado just blew through.
Thunder
If your farts are loud enough to wake the dead, expect to be appointed this nickname.
Tank
Invariably given to the largest and burliest member of the squad or unit. Sometimes given to the best drinker. If you can hold your beer or liquor, you might be called a tank as in “wet storage tank.”
Moto
A multi-purpose nickname. Typically it’s given to a soldier or Marine who’s by the book enthusiastic about the proceedings. A gung-ho attitude is fine, but only to a point.
Alternately, it is an acronym that stands for Master Of The Obvious, usually given to troopers with a penchant for stating what everyone already knows as if it is revelatory. Almost never good.
Wolverine
If someone is small but mighty and refuses to give even an inch in training or battle, they might be called the Wolverine. Works just as well when referring to the ferocious mammal, or the comic book character that is named after the mammal.
Digger
Another multi-purpose nickname. Given to the trooper that made a bad situation even worse, be it a problem in the field or an ass chewing.
As in, if you’re already in a hole, stop digging. Ultimately given to anyone who’s looking to snare a sugar mama or sugar daddy while in the military. A gold digger.
Voodoo
A nickname for those who always come up with a solution that saves the day, even if the means are nefarious.
Tiny
Only ever given to the hugest member of a unit. Usually said with affection. If a trooper is badly overweight or packing up, they might be saddled with this in a derogatory fashion.
Boomer
A nickname with many meanings. Can lovingly or not so lovingly refer to an older member of the military or one who is past their nominal retirement date, a person with a short fuse temper, or a sailor who has served aboard a nuclear submarine.
Barracuda
Given to soldiers with long, sharp noses or vicious personalities that enjoy demeaning others. Named for the vicious, fanged fish.
Wizard
Another nickname for the problem solvers and those that always come up with solutions, needed gear, and other life, time, or labor-saving plans. Almost always given admiringly, even if begrudgingly.
Coma
If you chronically fall asleep on watch, during classroom training, or any other time your ass is in a seat, people might start to think you are in a coma and you’ll get this nickname.
Might also be given to those with devastatingly boring personalities that can put people into a coma…
Chaplain
When not given to an actual chaplain, refers to a person who is overly moral and preachy. Might be derogatory, might not be.
Viking
Some troopers have a knack for coming up with gear sourced from other units. These troopers might be called Vikings after the raiders from ancient history. Can also be dropped handily on a trooper with a Scandinavian name.
Warden
A derogatory nickname for someone in the military and a supervisory role that enforces curfews, duty, lights out, timetables, etc. Like a prison warden. A strict and by-the-book person.
Igor
If you have a vaguely Russian or Slavic last name, I hope you like this nickname because it is all people are ever going to call you. You might also get called this if you have poor posture, so stand up straight!
Sponge
Short for fun sponge. A fun sponge can suck the fun out of anything, and so can this person.
Derrick
Not a first name, but actually a nickname. Invariably refers to an oily, greasy dude with bad personal hygiene, i.e. oil derrick.
Whisper
No surprise here. Always given to those who talk entirely too loud, especially in tactical situations or classroom settings. May also be given to people prone to screaming.
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